I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
