guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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