That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
