im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
