and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
