i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
