Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
No I am not eating basil off your cock
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
