If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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