I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You were trust falling into bushes
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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