somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
