thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Your shirt... Was in my pants
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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