with your own penis?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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