when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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