I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
