hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
