You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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