Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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