paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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