I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
