There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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