You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
