just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
