did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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