Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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