Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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