Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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