So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
