I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
