Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
