im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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