I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize