What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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