there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
