I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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