Betty ford says i'm here all night
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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