Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
