Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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