soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
