you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it was like eating out sand paper
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
