Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize