Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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