my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
