She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i out mim tonsoeep
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