New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
