oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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