Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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