Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
