You smell like a Billy Joel song
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
