I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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