that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
