i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
