she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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