nut hugger
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
