The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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