You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
