is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
