i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
