Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
