i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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