ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
