Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
