spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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