Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
