it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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