I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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