I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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