If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
