why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize