just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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