I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
