I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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