I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
